Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
