I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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