just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
