Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
