Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
