I cockslap morals
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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