this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
