just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
