My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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