Are we in a gay sports bar?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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