the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
