he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Randomize
