not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
