I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
