my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
