here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
