I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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