then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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