omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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