wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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