I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
