So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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