Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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