She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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