oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
