i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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