Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
