the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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