its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
someone owes me an orgasm
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So much rum. So many feels.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
