We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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