i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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