Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
