I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
