forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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