I think I died a long time ago.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
