She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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