spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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