just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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