ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So many bounce houses so little time
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
