I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
