he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
