Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
