you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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