just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
