Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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