I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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