I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
