My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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