dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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