He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
