This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
