I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
