I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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