It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
