Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
