officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
