just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
