The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
