he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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