For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
