I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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