How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
