I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
