yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
