But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A bitchslap is in order.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
