I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
