oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
