My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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