she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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