In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sext me about skeletons
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
