So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
