if i can run in heels then i can drive
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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