I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and she was petting her beer can
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
