yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize