What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
